i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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