the new term for farting is butt boxing.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She even gives head with a lisp.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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