YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
