They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize