I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
