god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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