If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
