Just fell off a train. Bad.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize