I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
