Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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