we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
