i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
