Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
