YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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