I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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