Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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