You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
