smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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