youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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