Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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