please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
