I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize