how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
