hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize