a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
