remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize