Tell her she can't have a vagina
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
