Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
