Your face is a jimmy john
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
