My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
