hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
