Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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