laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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