He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
