Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
this hospital has no fireball
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize