you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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