Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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