fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
