so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
