You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
