If that was your dad, he is hot
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize