The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
