Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
