Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
