oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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