Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
