she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
