3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
