Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
