Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
