Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
