Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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