Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
