I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize