I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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