I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
