Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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