Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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