epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
