You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
