Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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