do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
