Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
