Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
