had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're using joints as your birthday candles
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
