Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
