we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
