then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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