just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
