new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
