Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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