Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
