Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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