I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
