Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
