Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize