new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize