My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
