We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
