I can tuck mytits in my pants
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize