keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
