Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
