Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
