Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
