My liver just broke up with me...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize