Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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