You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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