why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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