I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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