I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize