And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
