She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize