When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
