Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
