I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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