I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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